How to stalk a dwarf
by fushushi
Summary: Two girls are transported into Middle Earth and follow the company on their valiant quest [much to Thorin's displeasure] only to discover that adventuring isn't as easy as they had previously thought. KilixOC BofurxOC
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note: In this story the following characters have experienced a gender swap purely to satisfy the plot:**  
><strong>Bilbo, Ori and Nori.<strong>  
><strong>Disclaimer: We own nothing but the plot<strong>

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><p>A light breeze rustled through the branches of a large oak tree and past the two sleeping forms. The larger figure shifted from the cold and slowly cracked her eyes open, turning to sleepily assess her surroundings in search of her missing blanket. The sight presented to her was one of her best friend of over fourteen years, the sun's rays dancing on her sleeping body as the tree shielded her face from the harsh light. Birds chirped cheerfully from their nests and the tree's branches swayed gracefully in the wind. Wait. Tree? Birds? Jolting upright and waking her friend in the process, the larger girl turned to her sleepy friend. "We're not in Kansas anymore Toto," she murmured as they both took in more of their environment. Turning to face each other again, the girls screamed.<p>

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><p>Waking up with a start, Bilba surveyed her surroundings groggily as she tried to figure out what was going on. Her sleep addled brain only registered half of the chaos in the camp as she watched the dwarves scramble towards their weapons in response to the shrill war cry that had woken them up. Upon becoming more alert, Bilba was able to notice a few things. Firstly, the dwarves had formed a defensive circle with their bodies, facing outwards, weapons at the ready. Secondly, both Bilba and Gandalf had been excluded from this circle. Turning to glare at the rest of the company, Bilba froze at the detection of a low rumbling sound from behind her.<p>

"W-what?" Bilba asked, slightly dazed from the commotion she had just bared witness to. The shrieking had stopped by then but the silence was even scarier.  
>Gandalf turned to the frightened and confused hobbit. "I think," he started, not so subtly glaring at the circle of dwarves, "that we're under attack." Gandalf's calm manner betrayed the fact that he obviously knew the situation was not dire.<br>"Hold your ground!" Thorin yelled defensively as two shadowy figures approached the dwarves from the depths of the forest. In any other situation, it would have been quite funny to watch Dwalin smoothly try to push Ori into the middle of the circle, away from any potential danger. Bilba would have chuckled when she saw Bombur attempt to do the same for Nori, you know, if being eaten hadn't been a very real possibility.

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><p><strong>Hope you guys enjoyed it so far<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't ours.  
><strong>

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><p>Heads darting around, the two girls' screams slowly died away to panicked hyperventilating and wide eyed shock. Just a few hours ago they had been fast asleep in their warm beds in their shared apartment. Now they were alone in an unfamiliar place on the outskirts of a dark and foreboding forest. Taking a few calming breaths, the taller girl turned to her friend. "Okay, this is either a creepily elaborate dream or I've gone insane." She enunciated her words slowly, still attempting to take in the strange situation she had found herself in.<br>"I don't think it's either of those Charlie," her companion stated, "and that's what scares me."

Sighing at her friend, Charlie rose to her feet before turning back to face her smaller companion. "Come on Rayne, maybe if we find someone, they can help us figure out what's going on."  
>"I doubt anyone will be able to do much," Rayne mumbled as she allowed her friend to pull her to her feet. "But I suppose we could try," she shrugged, before grinning up at her friend. Beaming in response, Charlie linked her arm through Rayne's and dragged her off in search of help. Their search consisted of ten minutes worth of admiring the captivating flora and trying to spot peculiar animals before they were interrupted by a loud growl. Slowly turning to see what made the noise, the girls were faced with a large, dark brown bear with it's eyes fixed directly on them. After a split second, the girls took off running, scrambling to get as far away from the bear as possible.<p>

Sprinting as fast as they could, the girls were beyond panicking when they heard the bear's thundering foot steps as it got closer and closer. That was when Rayne tripped. Her foot getting caught on a twisted tree root, she toppled over the edge of a shallow precipice and into the downward sloping forest below. In a desperate attempt to prevent her rapid descent, Rayne scrambled for something to grasp on, only to drag Charlie over the edge with her. Both girls gasped as the air was forced from their lungs. They tumbled through the forest over rocks and tree saplings until they hit the bottom of the hill with a loud thud.

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><p>Bofur peered down at the two girls that had landed at his feet, completely covered in dirt, sticks and leaves. They looked up at him, wincing in pain and out of breath. He offered a brief smile at the girl collapsed by his left boot. She had long, beautiful, dark hair that still seemed to be in perfect condition, despite the fact that they had just fallen down a hill. A loud roar came from on top of the slope.<br>"RUN!" they yelled at the same time as they jumped onto their feet and started sprinting.

The company started running.

"What is it?" Bilba asked worriedly as she sprinted, unsure of whether or not she really wished to know.

"Oh, it's just a bear," the shorter girl laughed.  
>"WHAT?!"<p>

After over five minutes of running, the bear had the whole company cornered in a collection of boulders. Looking around for an escape route, the dwarves began slowly shuffling along the rock, trying to avoid any sudden movements lest it upset the bear even more. The beast in question leered down at them, its nose scrunching up as it sniffed at its captives. The bear seemed to be taken with Kili's scent in particular as it lunged forward and pulled him up with its mouth. Rayne dashed forward and grasped Kili's arm, starting a vigorous tug of war match against the large animal. "Give me... him...," she gasped, giving Kili's arm an extra hard pull. Kili's boot slid off suddenly and Rayne and Kili were flung back, landing in a painful pile as the bear began growling at its loss.

For some reason unknown to the rest of the group, Rayne appeared to find this endearing and turned her best puppy eyes on her friend. "I want it."  
>"No."<br>"But I-"  
>"No"<br>"What if I trained it?" Rayne was getting desperate.  
>"<em>You're<em> going to train a _bear_?" Charlie raised a disbelieving eyebrow.  
>"Yup."<br>Charlie sighed in resignation. "Fine, but only if you can prove that you are able to train it."  
>"Yes!" Rayne fist pumped victoriously before turning to the bear. "Drop the boot."<p>

The bear didn't budge and Rayne narrowed her eyes at the challenging look in the bear's eyes. "Drop it," she commanded a little more firmly. The bear looked at her with furrowed eyebrows. Rayne growled slightly in warning and the bear dropped the boot. "Aw, you're such a good boy!" she beamed, the bear didn't reply, she thought for a moment, "girl?" She inquired hesitantly. The bear pretty much smiled and allowed her to start petting its head.

"Um, what just happened?" Kili asked, breaking the company's stunned silence.  
>"I think she just tamed the murderous beast that was going to eat you a few minutes ago." Fili mumbled in shock.<br>"Murderous beast? She's nothing but a big sweet heart," the girl retorted, "isn't that right... Caia?"  
>"You've got to be kidding me," this time the taller girl stepped in. The bear shot her a grumpy look.<br>"Look," the shorter girl started, "you said that if I could train it, I could keep it." She sent a smug look back at her friend, "and I trained it."  
>"I didn't think you'd actually be able to do it!" Charlie exclaimed. "I thought we'd just end up running away from it again until it got bored!"<br>"_She_ got bored," corrected her friend, "and that doesn't matter. You promised."

Charlie rolled her eyes before attempting to reason with her excited friend. "How will you care for it? What will you feed it?"  
>"I'll feed her these midget men." Rayne stated in a matter of fact tone as she pointed at Kili. "That one first. Caia likes his smell."<br>"What the- no way!" Kili yelled.  
>She turned her puppy eyes on the protesting dwarf, "did I mention that it's my birthday?" She inquired innocently.<br>"No it's-" Rayne slapped her palm over her companion's mouth and gave Kili her one thousand watt smile. Kili glowered back down at her.  
>"The answer is still no," he growled.<p>

Before they could start an argument loud enough to attract more potential predators, Gandalf joined the conversation. "If you don't mind me asking my dear, could you please tell me your names?" Pausing mid rant, the girls turned to face the old man.  
>"Rayne," the shorter replied, "and this is Charlotte." She grabbed the other girl by the arm and shoved her towards Gandalf.<br>"Charlie is fine." The second girl added quickly.  
>"Sorry to interrupt," Bofur pushed past a couple of other dwarves to speak to the strangers, "but what are you doing here?" Rayne and Charlie did a quick appraisal of their surroundings before answering.<br>"We got lost."

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><p><strong>AN: Yeah, we know, the whole bear thing isn't realistic at all... But we couldn't resist. Also, we will try to update every week but the next update will be late next week because our internet access is limited until then. Sorry.  
><strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: We own nothing but the plot and original characters**

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><p>Bofur frowned at the girls in front of him. "What do you mean you 'got lost'?" Charlie looked down at the dwarf in exasperation.<br>"Well, one minute we knew where we were, and the next, we didn't. I suspect it was around the time when we were being chased by a bear down a hill." Bofur flushed, realizing how obvious the answer to his question was.  
>"You're right, stupid question," he mumbled in embarrassment. Charlie smiled softly at him. His bashfulness was almost endearing. Rayne on the other hand, rolled her eyes at the dwarf in the hat.<br>"Ya think?"

Thorin growled and stormed to the front of the company. "It doesn't matter how or when they got lost," he bit out, "we are on a timed quest and can't afford to stop and help a pair of helpless idiots. Especially not of _her_ kind," Thorin glared at Charlie. Eyes narrowing at the perceived insult, Charlie protested loudly as the company murmured in agreement.  
>"I'm not helpless." Rayne retorted as she threw herself towards Thorin with her fists clenched in indignation. Luckily for her, Charlie grabbed her collar in exasperation as if this was a common occurrence. Rolling her eyes at her friend's outburst, Charlie groaned.<br>"And I'm not an idiot."Charlie huffed, choosing to ignore the comment about 'her kind'. "However, it seems as though you already have rather important business to attend to, so we'll let you get on your way." With that, Rayne sassily threw her blond curls behind her shoulders as if saying 'you're not worth my time' before her friend dragged her off into the forest. The bear turned and followed the two girls and the trio departed off into the forest. Gandalf watched the two strangers' retreat with mild interest.  
>"What a curious pair"<p>

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><p>While wandering through the forest for what seemed like hours, several things became clear. Firstly, Charlie had no sense of direction. After passing the same, moss covered rock for the sixth time in half an hour Rayne had had enough. "Okay, that's it! I'm in charge of navigation now." Charlie looked down at her friend sheepishly and allowed her to take the lead. The second thing to quickly become evident was that Rayne had an even worse sense of direction. Charlie was certain that they were heading deeper into the forest and said as much to her companion. Waving off her friend's concerns, Rayne sped up her movements.<br>"Of course we aren't, we are going back the way we came from to find help. Now hurry up! It's starting to get dark and I doubt it's safe to be alone in this forest at night," she remarked casually. That's when they walked in on the trolls.

The girls stared up in shock at the two grotesque beings in front of them. Their dry grey skin hung off in flakes and their yellow, jagged teeth protruded from their mouths at all angles. Rayne's mouth opened and the words spilled out before she could stop them. "Eugh, someone caught a bad case of ugly!" Gaping at her friend in horror, Charlie turned desperately to the beasts towering over them.  
>"She means that in the nicest way possible."<p>

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><p>Tears of terror poured down Rayne's face as one of the deformed monsters dangled her upside down by her leg. Caia had been caught and was secured to a spit a few metres away, waiting for the second troll to finish starting a fire to be roasted. She was not amused and snarled at anything that came too close. Charlie was sprawled on the ground where the trolls had thrown her, hyperventilating and shaking. This could not be happening. It wasn't possible.<br>"Wot are you?" The troll asked, the small, water-producing creature had piqued his curiosity.  
>"Disgusting!" Rayne screeched, her face turning red from the blood rushing to her head and all of her screaming. "My mum put me on a diet months ago and I have no fat on me, I'm just skin and bones. I'll taste horrible and I'm so boney I'll probably scratch the inside of your throat as I go down. And I'm so small, I'd hardly make a meal at all. You don't want to eat me. Please don't eat me!" Rayne's hysterical ramblings were interrupted by the foul creature that was holding her.<br>"Oi Bert!" It called, "this one reckons it isn't worth eating."  
>"Don't listen to it you idiot!" Was the troll's response.<p>

"No!" Charlie cried in horror. The troll holding onto Rayne turned around to face the girl.  
>"Wot?" the troll asked stupidly.<br>"Don't eat her!" Charlie cried desperately, silent tears of fear running down her face. "She's right! There is no fat on her! Eat the bear instead! Look how big and fat it is. Imagine how juicy it will taste! You don't want to eat my friend, you want to eat a nice, fat, tender bear." Caia's head snapped up at Charlie's words and she glared and snarled at the girl.  
>"Y'know wot? You're right!" The troll exclaimed.<br>"I-I am?" Charlie whispered hesitantly.  
>"Yup! I can't eat youse two scrawny things fo' supper! I'll jus' save youse for a snack!" With that, the troll dropped Rayne in favor of checking on the bear that was soon to be his supper.<p>

Charlie was frozen in horror, watching her friend's descent towards the ground as if it were in slow motion. Rayne's terror filled scream echoed throughout the clearing as Charlie willed her muscles to move, to do anything to help her friend. She couldn't move. Rayne's body hit the ground with a sickening crunch. With her body finally cooperating, Charlie rushed to her best friend's side, praying that she was okay or at least conscious. Her shoulder appeared to be deformed but nothing else seemed broken or damaged. Rayne's eyes weren't open though and she wasn't moving. Shuddering sobs wracked through Charlie's body as she collapsed next to her friend. "You killed her!" She screamed at the trolls, "how could you?!" Charlie was wailing now. "How could you?!"

Charlie's tears subsided to dry, gasping sobs. Forcing herself to calm down to a functional extent, Charlie picked up her friend's limp form and struggled to carry her towards the edge of the clearing. "Now where do you think you're going?" One of the trolls demanded. Charlie opened her mouth to retort but never got the chance.  
>"Oi, Bert! Look at wot I found." Her unlikely savior came in the lumbering form of the third troll. The hulking figure was carrying two ponies on its shoulders and shouting gleefully to his companions. Taking full advantage of the distraction, Charlie tried to discreetly shuffle herself and Rayne towards a rock formation nearby. However, just before reaching their goal, a troll scooped them up and jostled them into a sack, tightly securing the ends and preventing any escape.<p>

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><p>After what felt like hours, Rayne's eye lids fluttered open and she groaned. Charlie gasped at the sound and upon seeing her friend awake, maneuvered them into an awkward but enthusiastic hug.<br>"You're alive!" she cried, almost dizzy with relief.  
>"Yeah, I am aren't I?" Rayne replied softly as if unable to believe it herself. She shuffled in the sack slightly and then winced. "Right now, I'm not sure that's a good thing. Didn't know it was possible to feel this much pain!" Charlie winced sympathetically before moving so that her friend was leaning against her torso.<br>"Everything's going to be alright, we are just trapped in a sack waiting to be eaten by creatures that shouldn't even exist..."  
>"We're going to die here aren't we?" The girls turned their fearful eyes on each other.<br>"I think so."

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><p>Rayne and Charlie were completely still. The gravity of the situation had just hit them and they couldn't deal with it. How was anyone supposed to deal with realizing that they were about to die at the young age of nineteen. They hadn't had the chance to really do anything with their lives and now they were over. With this revelation, everything that had just occurred took it's toll on the girls. Waking up in a strange place, being chased by a bear, falling down a hill, being caught by trolls, and impending death. It was too much for them to take. They did the only things they could to cope. Their bodies shut down.<p>

Not moving, barely breathing, the girls' health was taking a turn for the worse when one of the trolls sneezed out a hobbit.

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><p><strong>AN: Sorry about the late update. As we said last chapter, internet access has been inconsistent this week. We hope you enjoyed the chapter.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey, guess who's not dead! We have re-written chapter three to make it a bit more realistic so if you haven't read the updated version some aspects of this chapter wont make sense.  
>Disclaimer: We don't own anything you recognize<strong>

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><p>Concealed behind some bushes, Thorin surveyed the scene in front of him through narrowed eyes. The burglar had managed to get herself caught by the trolls so the rescue attempt was going to be a lot more difficult than he'd anticipated. Slowly turning his head to get a better idea of the area their attack would be in, the dwarf barely held back a frustrated and heavy breath of air when he saw two familiar pests and their new found 'pet' restrained by the campfire. As if his job wasn't hard enough! Thorin turned to the rest of the company to discuss the best course of action only to notice a very distinct absence in the group.<p>

"Drop her!" Kili glared up at the trolls with his dagger drawn. Thorin stared slack mouthed at his nephew's reckless stupidity. How could he have possibly thought that this would be a good idea? Turning back to the company with a grimace, Thorin spoke.  
>"Well, my nephew has left us with little choice. We either charge in there after him or we plan first and risk losing my nephew and our burglar." His tone of voice implied everything he left unsaid. Thorin was not going to let his nephew die tonight.<p>

Not ten minutes later the dwarves were tightly secured in dirty sacks near the trolls' fire.

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><p>Quietly seething at his nephew's thoughtless actions, Thorin tried to figure out a way out of their current predicament. There was too much on the line for them to fail now. Thorin needed to reclaim that mountain, not just for himself, but for his people. It was his duty, but no matter how hard he thought, nothing came to his mind. His frantic plotting was interrupted by a large, grey, disfigured hand grabbing one of his company and Thorin looked on helplessly as Bombur was raised into the air.<br>"How should we have them?" The troll holding Bombur inquired, it's face twisted into an ugly grin.  
>"They should be sauteed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage" called one of the trolls enthusiastically, coming up behind his companion to poke at Bombur.<br>"Never mind the seasoning," the growl came from the third troll as he rose and lumbered angrily towards the two conversing beasts. "We haven't got all night. Dawn isn't too far away so let's get a move on! I don't fancy turning to stone." The trolls seemed to agree on that point and the dwarves watched on in horror as Bombur was carried in the direction of the fire, the first of the company to meet his fate. Until an unexpected voice spoke up.

"Wait!" The desperate call came from the slightly shaking halfling as she gazed up at the monstrous beings. "You're making a terrible mistake." This sentence came out softer and more hesitant than Bilba's first outburst and she winced at the fear her voice betrayed. The trolls turned to face her and Bilba panicked slightly, willing herself to think of anything she could say to delay the massive brutes. "I mean... uh... with the seasoning!" Bilba declared with confidence she didn't have.  
>"What about the seasoning?" Suspicion laced the troll's words but they belied a certain level of intrigue. The troll was willing to listen, at least for now.<p>

"Have you smelled them? You're going to need something a lot stronger than sage to plate this lot up!" The end of Bilba's sentence was drowned out by the dwarves indignant retorts to the slander against their cleanliness and scent. "You see," Bilba plowed on despite the company's complaints, " the best way to cook dwarves is..." The hobbit trailed off as her mind fumbled for something, anything to say. "Um..."  
>"yes?" The trolls pushed Bilba to continue. She needed to think of something quickly or the trolls might decide that their conversation was taking too much time and just eat Bombur alive and whole.<br>"The secret to cooking dwarf is... er, to... to skin them first!" Bilba blurted out the first thing that entered her mind before cringing internally. Skin them? Really? She'd just made things a whole lot worse. A fact that was not missed by the rest of the company if the cries of outrage were anything to go by.

The trolls considered Bilba's words before the one holding the poor, red-haired dwarf spoke. "Tom!" The troll in question straightened up and waited for further instruction. "Get me the fileting knife." As Tom scurried off in search of the tool, the troll raised Bombur to his eye level. "Let's see how you taste skinned huh?" The troll's smile was pure malice.  
>"Stop! Not that one!" Bilba cried frantically. "He's, uh, infected! He has worms... in his... tubes." The troll holding Bombur threw the dwarf a disgusted glance before tossing him onto the pile of dwarves below.<p>

Encouraged by the trolls reaction, Bilba continued with her stalling, fighting to be heard over the loud protests and insults being flung at her by the dwarves. "They all are actually. Nasty business, I wouldn't risk it really." Bilba's words seemed to finally convey her true intent to the rest of the company and their enlightenment was followed by enthusiastic exclamations of how many massive parasites the dwarves were riddled with. Unfortunately, the trolls seemed to realize Bilba's true intentions the same moment as the dwarves did and they did not appreciate their dinner attempting to wheedle it's way off of their menu.  
>"You think we don't know what you're up to?" The beast snarled, drops of spit flying towards the poor hobbit. "The little ferret is taking us for fools!"<br>Bilba spluttered helplessly and scrambled back as the troll advanced on her menacingly. It was interrupted by a deep, powerful voice as light exploded into the clearing.  
>"The dawn take you all!"<p>

Peering over to where Gandalf was freeing the company from behind a stone troll, Bilba winced at the thunderous expression on the dwarf king's face. Averting her eyes as he stormed past, she sighed at the ground. Thorin blamed her for this, she just knew it. Bilba trudged her way over to help Gandalf free the rest of the dwarves and it was there that she noticed the two girls they had met earlier. Releasing them from their sack, Bilba raised a brow at their lack of movement.

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><p>"So... what do we do with them?" Kili questioned.<br>Fili bent down next to the brunette and poked her cheek, "I think they're alive," he exclaimed.  
>"Leave them be. We have no time to play babysitter," was their uncle's gruff reply.<br>Balin turned from the two girls to raise an eyebrow at his leader. "Really Thorin? You're going to leave them here alone? In this state?"  
>"I fail to see the problem"<br>"They are too vulnerable! There is no way they could defend themselves against a bunny rabbit let alone a wild animal. Can you honestly tell me that you could leave them behind like this with a clear conscience?"  
>"Yes." Thorin glared at the other dwarf, "besides, look at them. They are fine. Just a bit tired."<p>

Kili poked The blond girl in the side, marveling at the lack of response.  
>"It's like she doesn't even feel it." He whispered before resuming his poking. A slightly harder poke unbalanced the girl and she toppled over, still maintaining the same position.<br>Balin turned to Thorin in disbelief. "They're fine huh?"  
>Thorin growled at his friend before turning to his two nephews. "Get Oin to give them a medical check to see what's wrong with them. You two are in charge of watching over them while they travel with us." At this Fili and Kili went to go pick up the girls, however their attempts proved futile when a very fierce and worried Caia jumped in front of the girls protectively. The brothers leaped back in alarm at the bear's sudden appearance and quickly realized that their task wouldn't be as easy as they had thought.<p>

Thorin stalked off to the outskirts of the clearing and glared into the forest.  
>"You're doing the right thing you know." Thorin started at the voice and turned to scowl up at the wizard.<br>"I don't like this. Or them. Especially not the taller one."  
>"Don't begrudge her of her elvish features Thorin. She can't help who she was born of any more than she can your petty grudges."<br>"It's not just her resemblance to the tree-shaggers that I dislike." Thorin admitted. "It's her complexion. The only other creatures I've ever come across with skin as dark as hers have been evil. I don't trust her."  
>"You don't have to trust her with anything. Just take the girls along with us to Rivendell and we will leave them there when we continue with our journey. They need not know anything about the quest we are on."<br>"Fine." Thorin glowered up at the wizard, "But if they prove to be too much trouble, we are leaving them behind."

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><p><strong>AN: And there's chapter four. We hope you enjoyed it! Please note that we don't agree with the opinions on people with dark skin shown by Thorin in this chapter. In The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, all of the good guys are white and the times that the stories are set in fit with that theme so with that in mind, Thorin has out dated views on people with dark skin.  
><strong>


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